To Olive...

My dear, such a long time havent written anything to you... almost 3 years.. huh?! This might be the 1st ever letter to you from that time... besides the first (also the last) card i sent to you.
How are you doing? Hope youre well.. happy safe and blessed..
On my side, I'm doing well.. even sometimes unwell and sometimes it's because of you.:)
But sometimes.. feeling like i spread my wings so wide.. and i find out it's time to turn back to something.. turn back into you

Life changes so fast within this 3 years. I have discovered more.. and learned more...
Somehow I believe it's the prayers you say for me.. everyday.. every time you pray.
So i must thank you for that :D
I also realize some of the things you used to tell.. that's now true in my life... the lessons I had never believed when you told...

Now I'm in Senior year.. same as you were, 3 years ago, right?! I used to.. very excited very wishful that this day come, so that iI could go to the place i want to.. and to see you..
But now I'm afraid.. that part of my heart is not the same.. and half of my dream almost fade away..will i still get the courage to make it come true?

Ive got many good friends.. those friends that i had enevr hooped or imagined to have... but then once again.. i'm afarid that these memories.. our relationships will again fade away when we're apart after school..

And a part of me.. has changed too..You probably feel happy for me, I guess.? as you want me to be like this, I think. After the two years of closing, my heart seem to ope its small part to someone...
But I'm not sure if it is.. true or not.. I have been thinking.. too much that my head got burned.. and gonna burst someday :)
Afraid that i was blind.. by such shiny lights, fancy, beautiful things of this life..
Then it's so fearsome.. if i lose it all again.. just because i dont speak it out at the right time... until i want to say , then it's too lat...
Fear that I wont make it again.. the same way I have done with you..
Apart of me wanna go for it, a part, not. Khanh said that I would have to choose between friendship or soomewhat special relationship.. if i choose to throw out the feelings.. I might risk my friendship.. and once, i tell out, then we can never remain friends.
This is disturbing me.. I must..choose?!
Sometimes i'm feeling so exhausted.. alone, and no motivation to move on.. But i still have to move as the pressure and expectations on me are so high.. :)

Besides everything around seems to be normal. This year, can be said unlucky year to me. Perhaps, it's because i was the luckiest last year?! It's alright... and i hope everything just keeps in balanced like that.

Anyway, for the new year to come, i wish you have a year full of love, health and happiness.. Please take care on the way! God bless you and of course.. you get my blessings.. as you always will. Hopefully hearing some good news for you somewhere, some time.
See you again so soon, there, some day!

Always your Little Cucumber

Salatalık

Sensitiveness

Another time had passed, many great good memories have come... and so have the moody time..


Asian Indoor Games III in Vietnam during 30th Oct to 8th Nov was an exciting, funny, crazy and tired , and even hopeless experience to her...
She's made many friends.. 1st time accomplished (well, maybe) her position as a group leader leader as well as an enthusiastic assistant to the President of Asian Muay Federation- Mr Santipharp.
Speaking about this president, she hadnt intended to walk with him in AIG at first... but on the midnight of the 30th, the secretary of the VN Muay called her, and somewhat seem like begged heer to do the job as the assitance, for no volunteer could handle it.
He's strict for some extends, but very responsible of what he does. He had to stay in rex, while all of the Muay officials stayed in New World, so he had to run to New World at last 3 times a day. Thus, as his assistant, she had to follow him till the end of the day when he backed to Rex. People asked her what time i could come home... well, prob about 10pm... the latest was 12:30 pm, and the earliest is 8:00 pm.
Talking about the latest, when she got home after mid night, it was on the 1st of Nov, the opening ceremony of Muay in AIG, She was invited to have late dinner with the Thai crew. It was great, but when they finished eating, it was almost 11pm >''<. She had to wait for his referee meeting after that. When i took out the motorbike, the officer at Rex asked for 15,000 vnd. Burst into tears, didnt know why,perhaps somewhat upset, somewhat helpless and lone. Later, another officer came, and said the new rule to ccharge only 5.000 for the AIG volunteers whenever they checked out. Rode home, tiredness, confused and blames, of course. The next coming days, an agreement of "no later than 10pm" was granted with the president. Thai people, somehow very skillful in dealing with each other, they know how to make people do things ( even they dont want to do for 1st time) enthusiastically and happily for them, make you feel very friendly. This is not the only feeling she got from Mr Santipharp but also from his Thai assistant, Miss Mayuree, and others in the crew. About the new friends she has made, they are cool, cute, lovely, friendly and extremely kind. She extremely likes Trang and the way she talks, loves Hiền and her absent minded, love Phượng and her awareness. The others from c2 were also nice. Thanks to ss Vân and ss Hằng for their help, a very very nice Trâm Anh, a kind and considerate, talkative (and always said he hates her) Mr Quý, a lovely 15- year old, 3rd year student Khanh, and the sympathetic always- Diễm. Almost every day during the AIG Muay competitions, we hanged out together to have Mỉ gõ- noodle on the pavement near the stadium :)


There was, still, the hard time ever that she felt about her friends... She may say it's start from the Cam, but not really the Cam problem... Perhaps it was only her sensitiveness, so say this out if someone thinks she's sensitive, or even blames her, it's okay.They can be said to be her very close friends, boh are guys, cool to her, and helped her much in Uni.
One is whom others always try to get her together with, the other is somewhat special that she just found out these days.
At the beginning, it was 5 of us joining for the AIG, but at last, there was only 3 left to join the show. They need cam to take pics for the show anyway, though we had different jobs, in different places, i still tried to come to take pics with them, and of course, lend them my cam. Trouble came when they got her cam out soo long, though she needed to take her pics in her place with her sport as well. At the closing ceremony time, they kept the cam still, and noone handed back to her. They even asked her to hand out the cable and charger. very well, that's no big problem, though she felt a lil bit down when they didnt ask even if it's okay if they kept, or how she was doing, if she needed anything, or if she wanted to join them...She got back the cam without a thank...
The closing ceremony seemed so blue to her, and the loneliness somehow raised all of the sudden...The last day of AIG, she even grew crazier. Morning, say bye bye to AIG Thai team, then asked for the tip for the driver. She didnt want a thing from them. That time, she felt the president like her another father, he had taught her much during the work with him- as his interpreter, assistant and sometimes, his servant. working with him, she's got a chance to have lunch with the Taiwanese in a famous Chinese Restaurant (somewhat to practice her Madarin), got dinner with the Thai in New World, went to eat Pho 24, brunch with the HCMC leaders, Farewell party with the leaders at Rex...
Evening, took her lil bro for dinner, then somehow, lost 50,000 on the way, backed home with flat tire. Tired and disappointed, somehow.

Overall of those, AIG 3 to her is totally cool. Anyway, she hopes, bad times will fade, great memories will last... her precious time, her precious friends that she knows, once iflose, could never find...

Despair, Sorry and Sorrow

Somehow after reading the page of a friend's , I'm ready to drop this down...
I'm a worry person..
as i always worry for myself and everybody around..
That's because..
I'm sensitive and emotional?
The fact is that i always feel sorry for those who act/ do things alone...
that reminds me..

on malaysia trip... we met a friend on the way to chocolate boutique..
it was Matt who stirred up the feelings of sorry in me again..
what could i do with a guy who always travel alone like this... while everyone should have got their friends with them?
then Matt, Kelley and me became friends...
still, i'm worried what did he do later after the SAS trip, and would he find his close friend?

Close friend...
have i ever mentioned i havent got one?
really, i dont know what's the definition of best/ close friend...
and i think.. i havent got one...

second time of feeling sorry for someone..
it was one of my friends here...
had never minded about his story so much than thesedays
still, that's the feeling of sorry for someone who's left alone
and somehow I want to do something for him, to make him feel better... (or worse i dunno, but i am trying my best)
we are friends.. maybe but i have never cared for this...till now

so there are 2 cases that i feel sorry for someone "alone"?
step back, and wondering am i alone?
well, it's the matter of fact that when i'm with those "pathetic" friends... i'm not alone
but what about the feelings that ive enevr shared in my heart?
they are alone

Despair and sorrow...
it was only him who made me feel this way...
even i'd known it would happened, but didnt think it's worse like that
maybe he didnt want to make it more serious and despair... so the last words came from him..

nah, to be honest, there are still many cases that makes me feel sorry... but many come from friends...
I'm happy...maybe.. and the stories of my friends make me stronger time by time..
i may have no chance to experience those situation (or i never hope to), but from them i learn that much sympathy and courage...
i may have long time to find out another relationship that special like his and mine, but from him i heard the sounds of love and beauty

thanks for all!!!

Looking back...

such long time havent written anything here...
and for such long time... i have, found out many things meaningful about this life...
everything has a reason behind of them
a friend of mine always feel sad and alone... and ppl always think he is a geek..is that because of his family cannot afford all things... i just can realize it recently.
Khanh ever feels shy is because he doesnt have his dad to be always besides him.. that even makes him not like any man in this world..
Tien's writing his songs.. as he wants to put all of his true feeling.. as i think ...to his mom inside..
And Olive.. why he left.. the reason behind that is still a question for me..

everyone has their own situations.. that even i could not hear from them.. but from their friends, songs, relatives.. it always makes me feel sorry for them... much...
then i feel how precious it is for all the things theyve done and shared with me
and i am, truly luck that much when i have such family... that i dont have to worry much about anything.

Someday i will find out why he left... or should i not?
i will come to meet him, or should i not?
ppl hear me say that i beleive in destiny... but just in relationship.. the way i met my friends.. hanging out with them... an learn such lessons is so precious.

Thanks for your precious souls! (even i say that appreciate with a lil bit of sorrow and sorry?!)
and thanks my God as He's brought them near me..

for such lunaryear has passed.. i had the luckiest year ever in my life.. successful work, study, friendship...
but the only one thing that i lost is in love..
He makes everytthing fair, for good and bad fortune, for doing right or wrong for sucess and failure..
was last year my lucky year at last?
will this year i have to pay it back with all things go wrong?
wish that everything in this life will be kept in that balance... and all of my dearest friends will find out what theyve been searching, and also for me...
even my intuition says it's not such good year this 2009, but should I beleive?

back to the past year... if there wasnt no help or prayers from my friends... that wouldnt have been such great...
so let's pray and act for a great year to come... for you and me

p.s: it's the picture of "fu dao"- my name in chinese but it's up side down... it means you'lll have a year full of happiness and good fortune will come to you!